Strategies for coping with cheating spouse

How to Handle Being Cheated On

Or you may be annoyed with yourself that you feel so blindsided and lost; you think you should have been wiser, and now your anger is directed at yourself. You may be embarrassed or blame yourself, no matter how little rational reason there is to feel that way. The healthiest way through these feelings is to acknowledge them and let them have their moment. Some people find it very helpful to journal during this time, or to have unstructured conversations with trusted friends who will listen and validate feelings without pushing you toward immediate action.

Of course, individual therapy can be helpful as well. The key is to acknowledge those emotions and let them work their way out, so they will no longer have power over you by threatening to explode from under the surface. Understand that this is different, of course, than acting on them. As much as you don't have to figure things out right now, it will be in your best interest to come up with a plan of how to figure things out.

Help! My Spouse Cheated! 10 Steps for Dealing with Infidelity

Will you seek individual counseling? Do you want to give couples' counseling a shot? Are there conditions under which you will give your partner a second chance? Is there further information you need to find out? Making a decision about how to move forward will take some time, but the sooner you can figure out what you need to get there, the better.

It was you that your partner was supposed to be longing for and thinking about. Having that foundation shaken can put you in a place to doubt that anyone loves you at all. As you're going through this, you're going to be tempted more than ever to give up on taking care of yourself in the ways that matter most — exercise, social time, sleep, and eating well. That's the awful paradox that happens when we're faced with tough times — we take care of ourselves much less when we need it the very most.

Don't let self-care slide. Enlist your friends to keep you accountable for it. You wouldn't choose to send an army into battle who hadn't slept all night and was subsisting on a diet of Doritos and vodka for the past three days, would you? At last, you're here. Maybe your work is moving forward past a breakup that you have now initiated, or your partner initiated, or both. Maybe your work is finding a marriage counselor and attempting to rebuild. Whatever comes, make sure to keep taking care of yourself. If you are planning on keeping the relationship, part of the work is rebuilding trust.

Have you moved on following infidelity?

7 Tips for Women Who Stay With Cheating Husbands | HuffPost Life

How did you do it? Let us know in the comments below. I need someone to help me find out if my partner is cheating on me. I've caught him telling me lies when I ask him a question. He constantly has to talk to women or be around a woman. It's totally ridiculous that he acts this way. I thought he was the perfect man for me but I have to have someone spy on him for me so I can know for sure if he is cheating or actually being faithful to me. He never wants to include me in anything or take me anywhere. Please help me find out exactly what he is doing. Thank you. He is always on the internet on his phone ; sending text messages, ; making phone calls when he leaves home to go to work or somewhere ; It's totally ridiculous that he acts this way.

I have to have someone spy on him I don't deserve a man that cheats and had internet sex or whatever he might be doing with other women. If you have a gut feeling that he is cheating, he probably is. I've spent the last 5 years of our 6 year marriage feeling something is wrong, couldn't put my finger on it, yet our relationship and homelife has been sliding down a slippery slope. I found out 3 days ago that he's been having an affair. Now that I know who she is, where he met her, the entire landscape of our past 5 years just laid out before me and all those weird "puzzle pieces" are falling into place to confirm my feelings.

Check your cell phone call and text logs to find out the numbers of those he is calling and google the numbers. Check his facebook archive for 'deleted' messages. If he is not emotionally engaged or is just "going through the motions" that is an indicator. My husband emotionally checked out.

I have felt like I was having a monolog whenever we go on trips together. Sure, we looked good in the photos, but we really weren't connected. If your sex life is diminished or has stopped completely. If he rejects sex with you. If his stories change they will if he lies. Life can be terrible when a loyal and honest husband suddenly turn to a lying cheat.

My husband of 15 year whom i bear three children for, two boys and a girl; ivy, Mariana and Ruben, the baby i had last for him. The whole thing started by helping a single lady that live a couple of houses away with free ride in the morning to work, but he told me i had nothing to worry about and swore he has nothing but platonic to do with her. At last, my suspicion was right.

Why Men Cheat on Women They Love

I got the facts i needed to confront him, and i did just that. He apologize and i forgive him his wrongs. We are together and living happily again. When it's happening you feel lost, helpless, homeless all of the above. We had been together for 25 years. Half my life.. My mother had been given 3years to live. I was busy with her and my teenage son,5 year.

Old daughter. I simply didn't have time for my husband.

An excuse for him maybe. It is amazing to read the 14 things you have to take care of when you are cheated on. The energy and commitment that is expected of you to get over this, is probably more than anything you have ever done! The pain you feel is probably the worst you have felt in your life.

The best analogy is how you should respond when you have had a debilitating accident and are suddenly forced to radically change your life. It is a life sentence. It could even kill you. I know. My wife cheated on me with three men in the first 10 years we were together. Each affair lasted about 6 months. That was decades ago. Our sex life was basically over after that. The pain will suddenly come back as if it all happened yesterday, and it then goes dormant for some time. It is unpredictable.

About 10 years ago for some reason, I suddenly realized how extremely serious her betrayal was on any scale. Somehow, it all came back as a flood. We have been in therapy since then. I spent an endless amount of time reading about cheating and what it does and how the damage is treated. That is why I read this article. The one thing that I am sure of now, is that there is no real cure.

Therapy is like an aspirin treating a third degree burn. By now I have spent a fortune on therapy and not much has changed. This is pretty much how it goes for most. So, my advice is this. Therapists tend to tell you how you have to profoundly change your life to cope with your new situation. They will honestly let you know that the relationship you had is over and that you may attempt to start a new one with the same person.

While your cheating spouse may not do it again, if you are lucky, the odds are that they will cheat again. I love how you say, look at the 14 things and wonder if this is really what you want! What scares me is that anyone can have any reason to start cheating. So how do we trust again!!!

Thank you for your honest post. Then proceeded to tell me he had an on-line affair with a woman, they exchanged nude photos with each other and he admits they probably would have met except as soon as he sent his nude photos he began getting extortion messages seeking money for his actions to be kept secret. My husband was only telling me because he was scarred.

My first reaction was to reassure him, but now I feel unloved, and lied to.

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I suspected this was happening, in fact 2 weeks ago came out and asked him if he was having an affair and he said no. Our sex life died long ago.

These Do’s and Don’ts may help you deal with infidelity in your relationship.

It all so very sad. Very sad, I really thought we were soul mates. I would agree that we should not make rash decisions out of anger. We should consider a lot of things such as our children and their future. My husband is a very reserved person. He hardly expresses his feelings and I recently found him to be emotionally involved with another women.

It was shocking but I am happy to discover that he loves me and my daughter the most and what happened was just the result of spending 12 hours together at workplace. However, he feels I am not normal. He feels he has spoiled everything and that i will never be able to accept him.

Its two months now and the pieces are all over. I dont know how should I act to make sure i join them properly. He seems upset all the time and over involved in his work. Should I just leave him the way he is for a few weeks and let him have his space. Do you think only time will put things back on track. My wife had an affair 6 months ago and since then I've never been able to trust her. I saw a testimonial online and I contacted this genius hacker because I had to know the truth. Well, my worst fears have been realized, she never even stopped cheating on me.

I discovered she's been cheating on me with the same man from her office during lunch breaks at her work! Thank you for your help, now that I know I can never trust her again, I've ditched her and I'm going to move on! Lastly, he provides proof before requesting payment. It's definitely up there with the worst feelings you can experience. Most guys let their emotions take over and make stupid decisions. Remember, you're not the first person this has happened to. He has a whole guide on infidelity which shows you exactly what to do.

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  • The Devastating Psychological Effects of a Cheating Spouse?

So I finally took some well given advice from my boyfriend and began reading some things and turns out I am ready to surrender to anyone who he says truly is a real friend and would help me without judgment just because they know he loves and cares for me! So please if you read this and are willing to help I could really use a friend right now and some great advice.

Thank you sincerel,Danielle.


I would agree that we should Submitted by Sarah H. When they are not met, research has found that psychological damage can occur, including feelings of rage and betrayal , lowering of sexual and personal confidence , and damage to self-image. That seemed to be the only way I could forget the past. I've been married for a week and my husband drunkenly told me that 2 weeks before our wedding at his bachelor party, he cheated on me with a man. She can gain access to high-quality genes and still derive the benefit of parental investment from her husband or partner who is unknowingly investing in their illegitimate child. Because infidelity imposed such a fitness cost, those who had the jealous emotional response, improved their fitness, and could pass down the jealousy module to the next generation.

It was you that you pictured them fantasizing about and being in love with. I found out my long-term partner cheated on me by means of an opportunistic threesome, a sexual fantasy I have never been able to fulfill for him. The pain of not being sexually good enough for him, or just the pain that someone can look at me and tell me they love me, but make conscious decisions to do such detrimental things that will undoubtedly send me through a downward spiral.

It's only been a month since I discovered. Two sessions of couples therapy, it has been nice, but I cannot shake the feeling I get when I imagine my love with someone, or someoneS else. How long will this hurt Or do I give up and move forward so I am not constantly reminded of the pain? I love him. But this hurts I was in a horrific accident directly following me confronting my husband about his FB account and how! Was put in a category all by myself.

While in the hospital he cheated on me. Later he wants to reconcile. But we both after the accident have been battling with drug addiction. He has been in and out of jail. I don't know what to do!! I'm finally clean and sober. But I'm affraid that we will go back to our bad habits together! What should I do?

I've been married for a week and my husband drunkenly told me that 2 weeks before our wedding at his bachelor party, he cheated on me with a man. He swears they didn't have intercourse but the things they did do were bad enough. I was asleep in the next room while this was going on. I'm financially dependent on him so I couldn't leave him if I tried. He says he was taken advantage of because he was drunk and the other guy was sober. It just feels like my marriage is a sham and I don't know what to do now. How embarrassing is it to get divorced after only a week?

I'm at my wits end. He confessed. Be grateful for that. No Lies, no secrets. He chose to marry a woman but sounds like a man took advantage of his drunken state. Until one day I found out how he was chatting with women on the net. He carried on and on and I would keep finding out and then I would confront him. He would say the same thing!

Nothings going on. It got to the stage where I was living on my wits. I found out one day he was chatting to a philapean woman. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience. By continuing to browse the site you consent to the use of cookies. Learn more.

When your spouse cheats, it can be one of the most incredibly difficult times of your life, especially if you had no idea about what was happening. We know being cheated on is not going to be a great experience, but the question is, how hard is it to deal with the psychological effects of a cheating spouse? The psychological effects of a cheating spouse can depend entirely on how resilient you are and what self-protection and coping strategies you already have in place as you live your general life. For example, you may be great a problem solving, psychology, and rebuilding most of the time.

These examples are extreme, and we can generally expect to be somewhere in the middle when it comes to how we cope, pick ourselves up and rebuild as we experience and move through the psychological effects of a cheating spouse. So we need some help in trying to understand what damage has been caused so that we have a chance at bringing ourselves back to a happy and balanced place as quickly as possible. Here are some of the ways that the psychological effects of a cheating spouse can affect our lives.

The time it takes for these experiences to pass can vary, but be prepared it can take some time to move through this phase and clear up. There is no particular order that you might experience some of the psychological effects of a cheating spouse and you may not experience all of them — but self-blame is a common after-effect from cheating. Did you cause your partner to cheat? Did you make yourself look good enough? Should you have been more protected, invested, intimate, loving?

The list of questions is endless. This is one psychological effect of a cheating spouse that you can do without and that you can take control of by merely changing the self-talk in your mind to something more positive such as I am worthy and deserving of the love and respect I need.

You have lost your relationship, or marriage, at least in the way that you once knew it. You are experiencing real loss, and you need time to grieve, just in the same way that anybody who has lost something so important to them needs to grieve.

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